For the Ya-Ya in Us All

Change is in the Air...

2010-11-22T10:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted here since August.
I suppose that is indicative of many things, not the least of which is how busy I have been professionally.
Summer and Fall brought so many great opportunities and experiences, that I have found myself wondering if maintaining this blog is too much.

I have decided it is.

BUT...I also know that I will miss sharing here...so, since I also assume that if you are reading this, or commenting on it, we probably know each other in another fashion - either real life or facebook or flickr or something along those lines.
If we don't, I hope you won't feel abandoned, whoever you are...I know there are folks who read and don't comment...and since I am a creature that can wholly admit that I don't blog just for me, I also blog for the comments I will receive, the enjoyment we can share; I feel the need to know if my words are being read.

On that note, I plan to continue "blogging" via "Notes" on my personal facebook.
You can find me here. Send me a friend request if we aren't friends already; be sure to include a message telling me you came over from here...that would be incredibly helpful.

In addition, my business photography blog is now accessible via my website...www.urbanutopiaphotography.com and you'll find me there often. Comments are moderated, so it may take me a day or two to see it. I'd love some feedback there or to chat with you on facebook or twitter. :)

Talk to you soon. But not here. :) (After November anyway!)
Dana

How to...

2010-08-23T22:12:00.001-07:00

How to end a really shitty day...well, if I'm honest...it's been a really shitty past 10 days or so...

1. Load up the car with the kids, and the stuff you sent the hubby to the store for.

2. Drive to the local beach without telling the kids where they are going.

3. Build a fire, spread out the sand toys and get out the s'mores supplies.

4. Just be.

5. Continue to just be. For a couple hours.

Ending the day like this is HIGHLY recommended for the soul.

{Dana}

An Open Letter to...Myself.

2010-08-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Depressed Dana,
Just because you have thought you're whole life that you CAN do it ALL, doesn't mean you have to continue with this way of thinking.
Sometimes you can't do ANYTHING.
And this is okay.
Get to that place where you can agree with that statement.
Do what you need to get there.
And be okay with it.
Your family loves you, even if it's not the family you started out with, or were born into. You already know that "family of origin" and "family" are two different things.
Embrace that.
Do what you need to gain patience. If that means a mommy "time out", take one. If that means a day of guilt free "doing nothing", take it. Even if that means cancelling a much needed play date or staying inside on a sunny day.
Do what YOU need for a change.
And be okay with it.

Love yourself,
The "Other" Dana.

The Benefits of Taking the Morning Off

2010-08-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Notes from the Road: Edition 1

2010-07-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

Moose thinks there might be something wrong with this plan.

Girl

2010-07-08T23:35:00.001-07:00

She is silly. Sillier by the day. (She wasn't really scared here, just acting. Though the blood curdling screams tended to tell otherwise.)

She likes thrill rides. All of a sudden. The Gravitron (and all it's variations) is her favorite ride at the carnival. She'll ride it over and over and over...well, you get the picture.

She is learning to laugh at herself. Gone is the self loathing and self pity that used to accompany potentially embarrassing moments. Like missing at the KIDDIE game. Now, that was hilarious!

She adores her daddy. She looks forward to their "Daddy-Daughter Dates". She becomes quite the Chatty Cathy when you ask her "how was it?" when they return. You must hear every detail. And I do. And I love it. I hope she knows just how blessed she is to have such a great dad. I think she's beginning to get it.

She is CRAZY BEAUTIFUL.

Like that photo above.

How can she still be so dang beautiful when acting crazy?

The world may not be ready for her, but she is getting ready for the world.

I love you baby. Grow slowly.

Boy

2010-07-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

That one on the left is his "baby kangaroo" and the one on the left is a "crescent moon".
Or so he tells me.

Revisions

2010-07-07T13:27:00.001-07:00

Jeez.

Blogger is on my nerves. Or more accurately, my "blogger" skills are lacking and that is annoying. I am attempting to make some revisions to my personal blog so I can then make some good ones to my Urban Utopia Photography blog. You know, to make it more appealing, user friendly and inviting...maybe then I'll be more apt to update more often. *Sigh.*

So, if you come here and it's busted. It'll be back soon. This blog gets to be my guinea pig.

And I leave you with this:

Lucky they're cute...

2010-06-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

When I have days like today, well week's like this week...let's be honest here-annd it's only Tuesday, people-I like to see things like this, to remind me that not every day will be this rough.

Here's looking toward tomorrow.

Because I Suck...

2010-06-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

Jeez.

I owe you peeps big time.

Is anyone even there anymore???

I don't blame you if you aren't.

So...to just jump headlong in, I'll just pick up right where I am right now.

Busy.

Busy with life. And decisions. And being okay making them or not making them just yet.

I have been flexing my creative muscles and my shutter finger at the same time.

Laughing at the kids singing their versions of that annoying commercial's jingle "I wear no pants...I wwweeee-aaarr no pants"...the girl sings it pretty standard, but the boy? The boy is usually a different story. So, par for the course he sings it "I wear no sweats. I weeeeaaa---rrr no sweats".

I know.

And just now, I heard him saying in a teasing voice to his sister, something about "poop on you" and "baby poop and baby diapers". Who knows? I'm not even going to ask what that was about, as I am pretty sure I don't want to know.

Let the crazy continue.

And I am relishing every moment.

Also...I'll leave you with this image...this is how most days end around here. Covered in band-aids. This one is from a day spent with fellow photog friends at a local park, and the boy, of course, ATE IT. HARD. There was screaming. As usual.

And "mommy's special band aids".

Choices

2010-05-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been processing.
Processing information and realizations with regard to my family of origin.
Processing memories that have reconnected like wires in my brain that were fried and somehow, with hard work and an open mind (and a Higher Power) have mended themselves and electricity flows through them again.

I'm in Decision Land. And I fear that it will be lonely here. I know that making a decision like the one I am faced with will change things. It will change me. And it's been over 30 years coming. I've avoided it at all costs. I've held out hope that things will get better and change and that somehow I am the one that has all the power to make that happen.

My Higher Power seems to have other plans.
And I'm processing that.
And dealing with that.
And decision making.
And..
Seems like a lot of "and"s doesn't it?

I read this morning, after a very therapeutic meeting last night, "...The sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations of ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options...Today I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me."

While this is all helpful and enlightening, the journey and the choosing aren't made easier. BUT...yes, there is a "BUT"...I can give myself permission to not have all the answers and to take one moment at a time.

So that is what I'm doing...one moment at a time. Learning hard lessons. Lessons that are ripe for the picking. Learning to trust that my "family" and my "family of origin" may not be the same thing. Learning that I have a choice in which family members I associate with and which ones are unhealthy for me to involve in my life. Learning that I have a choice. And learning to choose to be accepting of that.

Life Lesson

2010-05-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

This week I needed this.
I needed to read this.
I needed to hear this.
I needed to think about this in a way that I am unaccustomed to.
So I am.
And I'm going to share it with you.

I realize it's been about a month since my last post, and truly my absence has been irritating, even to me. I want to blog, but don't feel that much has been blog worthy or interesting enough to share here. What I would like to remember, is that it only has to be blog worthy and interesting to ME. I am thankful for my readers, commenters, and yes, even lurkers. But in the end, I blog for me; to share my life, to entertain myself and to get things off my chest. The universe is responding.

So I will share with you the item I read last night. Take from it what you will, as always.

From "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
Control
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.

What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It'll keep right on whirling. It'll stay right on track with no help from us. And we'll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.

Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we've been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us.

Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.

I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in eternal events.

In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better - a life that is manageable.

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

Have a great week everyone...I intend to learn to let go of what I think I can control a little bit more this week. Progress, not perfection, right?

Wordless Wednesday ~ Easter Morning

2010-04-07T00:22:00.001-07:00

Texting, Girl Style

2010-04-05T16:47:00.001-07:00

Text between The Girl and me this afternoon, directly after she got out of her first Drill Team practice.

Girl: it was SO fun mom
Me: yay! your dad should be there to pick you up.
Girl: i'm in da car
Me: 'da'. Really? You are not 'hood. Try using 'the'.
Girl: Ur DA bomb
Me: that is the only time 'da' is appropriate.
Girl: ok fun sucker

I am pretty sure she wins this one.
Damn it.

"Aha!" Moment, Captured

2010-03-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

While perusing a helpful website, I unexpectedly ran across some "Words of Wisdom".

The last one on the page; the last one I read; for a reason, I imagine, was this:

Expectations are just premeditated resentments.

I went to the site without a conscious reason.
I think I found my reason. I needed to get this message today. I am aware of that, at least.

I'll try to think of expectations in this way, because boy, how often it is true for me is overwhelming.

Exploring

2010-03-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Last year, I started following a television series called Ruby, maybe you've heard of it. Maybe you've watched it. At first it was just inspirational to watch someone attempt to save herself from herself. I thought she had such strength and determination, all while having that slightly annoying Southern ditsy-drama queen thing going for her. (This is not to be taken as an insult to my Southern friends, I have personally had experience with this type of Southern Belle, and this is not to be taken as a blanket statement.) I love Ruby. I love her courage, faith and sense of humor.

Ruby, like myself, is missing chunks of her life in her memory banks. There are many spans of years she can't remember a single thing that happened. So do I. I connected to her on that level until she decided to visit her old school. I didn't understand why. I didn't think it would help, and I was seriously judgemental about her reaction.

That was a year ago.
And an experience ago.

Last weekend, I pointed out my mom's old place to a friend. Then I decided to stop there. This place, seen previously as my mom's old home, became something more for me. I expected to point out the poor decision making that went into this home of theirs, this weird situation I found them in but what I didn't expect was to feel. You see, I never lived there. They moved to this property after I no longer lived at home. I visited. My daughter spent the night. Even I spent the night. It felt a lifetime ago, and in a sense, it was.

I didn't expect to be affected by this place. I thought I was detached from it. I thought that I had no feelings attached to it.
I was wrong.
This place brought back a lot of memories for me. A lot of pain. A lot of anguish. A lot of fear and loneliness I didn't even know I felt at that time. I know now, mostly because I am no longer in that place in my life and honestly I am no longer that girl.

This place suddenly felt less pathetic and more sad to me. Sad that my mother had valid hopes when she established that home. Sad that she is unable to see her repetitive actions. Sad that I keep expecting her to, even when I no longer think I have any expectations of her.

I suppose I get it now, Ruby. I get why you went back to that place. If it affected you in the way revisiting this place did for me, and the memories came flooding back, I can understand why you would want to keep doing it. Keep visiting these places. Keep pushing your memory to...well...remember; to release those memories to you again and trust that you can handle them.

I am curious now. I am curious about the dozens of other places we have lived. I am curious if I could get my memories back if I visited them.

I am curious, scared and exhilarated at the thought.

I get it, and I'm sorry for the judging.

I am there too.

Wordless Wednesday ~ SQUIRREL

2010-03-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

Opposites Day

2010-02-25T01:09:00.000-08:00

Dear McDonald's Patrons:
In an effort to find the positive in things, and possibly be less catty (for a minute at least, what do you want from me?) I want to take a moment to thank you for a few things. I mean, I REALLY want to give you props.

I want to thank those parents who don't allow their children to come over to the table where my three-year-old is trying desperately to not be distracted. Thank you for teaching your brats to keep their hands to themselves and not take his Happy Meal toy...off his tray...at HIS table...after I have asked them twice not to...while giving you dirty looks.
Thank you.

I would like to thank those parents who realize that ragged footy pajamas are not appropriate at lunch time in Playplace on a six-year-old. (Assuming she is six-years-old is being generous, trust me.)
Thank you.

Also, to expand on that gratitude, I will thank the parents who don't then have their generously-six-year-old girl change into actual clothes in the middle of a Playplace that has a bathroom RIGHT THERE. IN THE PLAYPLACE. While she screams that boys will see her naked, and "please mommy, can we just go in the potty".
Thank you.

I want to thank the parents who don't allow their children to literally walk on the 3" wide window sill behind the booth we are sitting at, who subsequently fall down onto the booth we are sitting at and crying for what feels like several minutes while a stranger consoles them until their mother finally realizes where the wailing is coming from and that it is, indeed, her spawn.
Thank you.

I would like to thank the parents who teach their children not to climb the outside fence of the Playplace. You know, the one that says "do not play on fence". Yes, that one. Thank you.

In addition, it is my pleasure to thank those parents who made today's outing the most eventful and interesting hour of my week. Thank you.

Lastly, but certainly not least, I want to thank the parents who follow through on a playdate they set up with a certain three-year-old boy who gets very upset when he is told for three days that his friend will be having lunch with him in Paradise...er...McDonald's... I would also like to thank that same parent for calling to tell me they will not make it to said playdate. A very special thank you for that.

You know...maybe I just shouldn't have gone out in public today.

Smooches,
Buttercupyaya

P.S. that may have been less catty, but the snark? I will always give you a bit o' the snark! You're welcome.

Wordless Wednesday: Puppy Love

2010-02-17T15:28:00.001-08:00

{Quickie} Fast & Funny

2010-02-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

Scene: driving down Highway 99 in South Everett

The Girl: Mom, what is Honey's.
Me (fully anticipating the look of horror that would elicit from her face upon answering): a strip club
The Girl: EWWWWWWW!
The Boy (without missing a beat): I want you take me to Honey's, Mommy. I love it.

We laughed.
We laughed hard.
Seriously.

365 Days and Counting

2010-02-15T00:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday my sweet Girl.
She's 12 today. And counting the days to being a teenager.

I have so many messages I hope she hears (both spoken and unspoken).
Here are a few I hope get through:

~Don't rush to grow up; there is no rewind feature for life.
~Just be a kid; allow yourself that indulgence.
~Study hard. School is valuable, even if it doesn't seem like it now.
~Laugh. Laugh hard and often.
~Cry. Cry whenever you want and for as long as you want. It's perfectly acceptable.
~Make lots of different kinds of friends. Don't put all your focus on only one friend. Learn when they aren't your friend anymore and let them go.
~Make your own choices; even the difficult ones.
~Ask for help. You are not alone in this life.
~Forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
~Trust. Trust us to support you in every way. Learn how and when to trust others.
~Love. Love yourself. Love others. Love yourself some more. Love life.
~Have fun! Have so much fun you have to sort through the stories when you recount them to your children and grandchildren because telling them all would take too long.

My end of the bargain:

~I will let you "just be a kid". In fact, I will fight for it. Even when that makes you angry. At the same time allowing you to grow up...I know that is, and will continue to be, the hardest part.
~I will still check your homework and keep up with your teachers and be involved in your life. I will encourage you to do her best, and understand and accept when you have.
~I will laugh hard. And often. Even when its embarrassing and inappropriate.
~I will cry; showing you that it is perfectly acceptable to do so.
~I will have a variety of friends. And be an example of how to let them go...healthily.
~I will make the difficult choices. And the easy ones. And own them.
~I will show you how to ask for help. And how to be okay with it.
~I will work on forgiveness, and understand that nobody is perfect, not even me. (Maybe I'll learn how to forgive myself in the process.)
~I will continue to learn how to trust. Even trust myself.
~I will love you! Unconditionally. Forever.
~We will have fun! I will have fun with you, around you and even without you. But rest assured, fun will be had. There will be stories to recount to you; and when you ask a million times, I will continue to repeat them.

Happy Birthday, my amazing, beautiful Girl.
I love you.

Now, I gotta go...I have promises to keep.
And 365 days to keep at bay.

Wordless Wednesday ~ Like Glass

2010-02-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

We Heart Kisses ~ Double Duty

2010-02-09T01:24:00.000-08:00

This post serves double duty!

I have been meaning to post pictures of the kids from our Valentine's Day mini sessions...I was doing other clients' photos so I photographed my kids as well. :) Then I visited I Heart Faces today and this week's photo challenge is "We Heart Kisses", so it was just the swift kick in the patootie that I apparently needed. So, now you get to see them and I get to enter the challenge.

This one is for I Heart Faces (that's where the double duty comes in, remember?) this So here is my entry for the challenge:

The boy really does love her...he's just going through a stage where, because he knows she hates it, he won't bestow any lip kisses for her (or allow her to give him any!), and physically turns her face (or in this case, he turns HIS face away) so he can have access to her cheek. She laughed so hard! As did the rest of us! Then the "aaaahhhh" and "ooooh! so sweet" comments ensued when he planted a big one on her cheek.

And this one...is a bonus for your viewing pleasure. Just because it is one of my favorites of the day -- and I like you. :)

I'll post more later...probably on Valentine's Day. :)

Educational Eavesdrop

2010-02-05T20:27:00.001-08:00

It's rare that the Girl say something embarrassingly funny.
Or should I say it used to be?
She will be twelve in a couple weeks and every day brings us closer to teenager-hood (including catching on to the naughty innuendo, jumping in on conversations and truly understanding adult conversations...to name a few).
Can you hear all the excitement in those statements?
No?
That's a shame, because I swear it's there.

So with all the pre-teen angst and attitude and experiences we've had lately, this shining gem fell right into my lap today. And I was happy once again.

While visiting with a rarely seen friend today, the Boy was going incredibly ape-shit. Crying jag, then happy, then crazy, then gloomy...the conversation went just like this:

Me (laughing, of course): that boy is bipolar today! Jeez.
Kenny laughs.
The Girl (accusingly and shocked): Mo-om!
Me (confused as to why she would sound like I said something AWFUL): What?
The Girl: he is NOT!
Kenny and I exchange confused glances; I'm thinking there must be some kind of misunderstanding here...so I ask...oh, yes, I ask.
Me (addressing the Girl): What do you think "bipolar" means?
The Girl (mortified that I would ask, apparently): you knooooow, that he likes boys and girls.
Needless to say (but I will anyway), Kenny and I bust up laughing.
Me (between gut wrenching laughs): I think you mean bisexual.
The Girl: Oh. Yeah.

And more laughing from us all, while the Boy looks on confused as to why we are laughing so hard. And explaining, that while there is nothing wrong with being bisexual or bipolar, these two things are VERY different.
To which Kenny then says something along the lines of "not really, both take you up and down...wait, I didn't mean it like that...like "one day 'now I like boys'; and the next day 'now I like girls...oh, nevermind"

I am sure that 'bipolar' will be substituted in A LOT in future conversations. Because that was hilarious!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-03T09:46:00.001-08:00

Love Thursday

2010-01-28T12:37:00.000-08:00

He really does love her.......just on his own terms!
I love that they truly adore each other. His face lights up when she gets home from school, and she hugs him intensely...until five minutes pass and I'm screaming at them both to JUST GET ALONG DAMMIT!

Disenchantment

2010-01-26T10:34:00.000-08:00

Disenchant: to free from illusion or false belief; undeceive

Complete acceptance of the understanding that someone is never going to be who you NEED or WANT them to be is the hardest hurdle to drag yourself over. There is no jumping or leaping or flying over this hurdle. I have to completely drag myself over it, one limb at a time. Now that I have, it isn't any easier or nicer on the other side of that hurdle. It is just as sad, just as scary and just as disappointing.

When this person is a parent, it adds to the feeling of abandonment. Realizing that you are the only one able to rescue yourself is just as disappointing. There is definitely something to be said for an external support system, but when you grow up with the false belief that a parent is the one person that will always be there for you in whatever capacity you need, then as an adult you become disenchanted with the fable...it's incredibly depressing.

I struggled for many years doing everything I could think of to make my parent, my...well...parent. I have come to terms, truly, with the fact that I no longer need that parent that was never really the parent I thought they were in the first place.

So today, the little girl in me...lets the illusion go. Disenchantment can be a positive, I suppose...

Remembering the Dream

2010-01-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

"Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated." ~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (courtesy Wikiquote, click on the quote for more from Dr. King)

Dr. King had a dream, in fact, he had many. He had the same dreams I think many of us have, at some point, and possibly in our own way. He dreamt of a togetherness and of freedom and of love.

I have a dream too. I have some of the same dreams he did. I dream that my kids will know they have a future, that they will know this world is theirs to make of it what they can. And that those dreams can not be taken away from them, as these dreams are theirs.

So, today, when you've had your children home from school and you've been lucky enough to have the day off work...remember who this day is in remembrance of...and most of all....dream. In doing so, I hope you teach your children to dream.

Wordless Wednesday: Preschooler "Present" Style

2010-01-13T16:52:00.001-08:00

Monday Eavesdropping

2010-01-11T11:30:00.000-08:00

The Boy (mortified): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I GOT MOCOS ON MY FACE!!!

Because I am trying to win the Mom of the Year Award (despite my best efforts to sabotage myself), I wipe his face with my BARE HAND.

Then he licks his lips, and says "mmmm, yummy!"

Yes, folks, he eats his mocos, now and then. I am not proud. Plus? I am pretty sure he gets that from his father.

But I have a way to stop this disgusting behavior. Yes, I do.

Me: If you eat mocos I can't give you chocolate all day.
The Boy: Oh. Sorry. I won't eat them anymore. I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRRRRYYYY! (Yes, he got more and more manic as he repeated himself.)

YES!!!!
You know what that means, right?
I win.

Building Dendrites

2010-01-10T23:50:00.001-08:00

Many years ago, the mom of a close friend of mine introduced me to the term "building dendrites". The way I remember it, we were all playing tennis, and every time I would let out my frustration, pain and anger with a really hard swing, she would cheer and tell me to let it out, as each time I did I was "building dendrites". What I truly got from that moment was that every time I do something that helped me let go of things and do something that made ME feel good, I was "building dendrites".

This weekend, that is exactly what I did.

Our journey started with a minivan chock full of scrapbooking supplies, clothes for two days and well...provisions. We added four women who needed a reboot. Here's a little of what that looks like:

Then we drove a couple hours (that FLEW by), in the rain and pending darkness packing that vehicle with laughter, stories and more laughter, to discover that the next two days of unseasonably wonderful weather gave us this:

With those ingredients, all that is left to do is strengthen the bonds already in place with these wonderful, amazing, caring, lively, energetic, supportive, loving, creative, boisterous and accepting women:

I mean, look, at us!

Don't we look relaxed after two days of just being us?

Talk about "building dendrites"!!!

These women hold a very special place in my heart. For all the sharing, love, stories, experiences and rib-aching-snorting-spitting laughter, I thank them.

I am thankful that in this time in my life, I am able to appreciate them, as well as my family for being supportive enough for me to take a weekend to MYSELF and not feel guilty.

For me, that is as priceless as these women.

Much love...

Oh, and, of course HE came along. The little party crasher.

But it wouldn't be the same without Moose watching over us. (And sneaking into pictures.)

Whole Lotta Silly Goin' On

2010-01-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

The boy is KILLING me today.
He has these days where I am pretty sure as his mom, I am the only one that finds him completely hilarious...but then he has days like today where there is no freakin' way I am alone in that feeling.

This morning, he chose to sleep in. Like, REALLY sleep in. I think he woke up about 8:45, as opposed to prior to the butt crack of dawn. Because I helped the Girl flat iron her hair for the first time on her own for school (with her shiny new Christmas present) I was wide awake at 7am. Thinking that he would be up any time, I decided to read in bed with the quiet of my house surrounding me until he did. Little did I know I'd get almost half way through a book before he woke up. It was a nice reprieve from the ordinary, don't get me wrong, but we had placed to BE. Heh.

When he did decide to grace me with his presence he was in a great mood. He was surrounded by that warm-bodied-just-woke-up-snuggle-me-before-it-wears-off goodness. So I did. Then he wanted to "pretend sleeping mommy". I complied, of course, because he is the boss. I was unaware that the pretend snoring was then to be interrupted by the loudest "COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOO" I have ever heard, pointed directly into my innocent ear.
Cute? Yes.
Annoying when it happens SEVEN times? Oh, yes.
That game was over.

It was however, followed by a lot of tickling. As he flipped over on his belly and I squeezed his cute little dinosaur pajama clad butt with one hand, I told him he had a "cute little booty". To which I was dutifully, and seriously, informed that he, and I quote: "am growing and my butt will get bigger and bigger. And my pee pee will get bigger and bigger."
Yeah. Awesome. I got nothin'.

Had enough for one morning? Well, this afternoon wasn't any less funny.
After straightening up the kitchen and getting lunch on the table for his majesty, he got my attention to inform me that I "forgot them ones books". Let me tell you...I didn't see these "books" he was referring to...but as Parent of the Year, I completely avoided the argument (because honestly, I've had enough today) and said "I'll get them later."
To which he replied to himself: "you're killding me mommy. you're just killding me".
And I, again as Parent of the Year, thought to myself: Pot? Meet kettle. But since I didn't say it aloud, I will retain my crown.

And one more little anecdote for you from lunch time:
The Boy: Mommy, I'm all done eating. I'm so so super super fuuuuull. (Please note the drama included in that statement.)
Me: Okay. Take five more bites and you can be done.
The Boy: No, three Mommy. We do three cuz I'm three. (He is right...)
Me: Okay. Three bites.
The Boy (to himself): This is super hard to do. It's so soooo hard to do. Man.
Three bites later..."I'm super super done, mommy."
Me: go wash up.

No, seriously, if it's that much of a battle maybe he actually ISN'T hungry.

And now?? He is hollering from the bathroom like a broken record, "Mom, I went poop. Mom I went poop. Mom, I went poop." Why? Because he doesn't wipe that end by himself yet.

Welcome to life with a Preschooler...all day...every day...and you know what?
I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sometimes...This is Gonna Take a Minute

2010-01-02T13:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes shit just makes sense.
Sometimes it all just comes together.
Sometimes you have to have truth backhand you with rings on each finger right across the face before you can see what is dead straight in front of you.
Sometimes you have to have your world shaken up to clear out the cobwebs and help you see clearly.

As many of you know, my family history...well, let's just say it doesn't shit sunshine and rainbows. But I'm dealing with it. I'm just starting to deal with it and to learn to process it, and then let it go. But the truth is a real bitch. Especially when you aren't expecting for it to jump right out and punch you in the face.

I has some truths told to me over the last week. Truths that the givers thought was common knowledge, turns out...it wasn't. In an unfamiliar way, I am thankful for this truth. I am not resentful of it. I am almost GLAD for it. I needed it, at that moment, on that day, from that person. I am thankful that I had a supportive friend with me when learned these things. A healthy friend. A friend that wants to see me mentally healthy, and was able to spur that along in a positive way. I found out that I have more than one supportive family member I can go to in times of need and want. I have discovered that the truth isn't always something to avoid. I have also discovered that when I open myself to my higher power (whatever that may be) it is able to walk through the door waving it's hands maniacally in the air shouting "here I am!!!!"

So, today, I open my "Language of Letting Go" book and look back to the day that was so incredibly eye-opening to me...and what do I find? This...really long entry...but so very poignant and perfectly timed. Hopefully you'll keep reading...

Near the Top
I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever.
It won't. You are almost through.
You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried and retested on what you have learned.
Your beliefs and your faith have been tried in fire. You have believed, then doubted, then worked at believing some more. You have had to have faith even when you could not see or imagine what you were asked to believe. Others around you may have tried to convince you not to believe in what you were hoping you could believe.
You have had opposition. You have not gotten to this place with total support and joy. You have had to work hard, in spite of what was happening around you. Sometimes what motivated you was anger; sometimes fear.
Things went wrong - more problems occurred than you anticipated. There were obstacles, frustrations and annoyances en route. You did not plan on this being the way it would evolve. Much of this has been a surprise; some of it has not been at all what you desired.
Yet, it has been good. Part of you, the deepest part that knows truth, has sensed this all along, even when your head told you that things were out of whack and crazy; that there was no plan or purpose, that [your Higher Power] had forgotten you.
So much has happened, and each incident - the most painful, the most troubling, the most surprising - has a connection. You are beginning to see and sense that.
You never dreamt things would happen this way, did you? But they did. Now you are learning the secret - they are meant to happen this way, and this way is good, better than what you expected.
You didn't believe it would take this long either - did you? But it did. You have learned patience.
You never thought you could have it, but now you know you do.
You have been led. Many were the moments when you thought you were forgotten, when you were convinced you were abandoned. Now you know you have been guided.
Now things are coming into place. You are almost at the end of this phase, this difficult portion of the journey. The lesson is almost complete. You know - the lesson you fought, resisted, and insisted you could not learn. Yes, that one. You have almost mastered it.
You have been changed from the inside out. You have been moved to a different level, a higher level, a better level.
You have been climbing a mountain. It has not been easy, but the mountain climbing is never easy. Now, you are near the top. A moment longer, and the victory shall be yours.
Steady your shoulders. Breathe deeply. Move forward in confidence and peace. The time is coming to relish and enjoy all which you have fought for. That time is drawing near, finally.
I know you have thought before that the time was drawing near, only to learn that it wasn't. But now, the reward is coming. You know that too. You can feel it.
Your struggle has not been in vain. For every struggle on this journey, there is a climax, a resolution.
Peace, joy, abundant blessings, and reward are yours here on earth. Enjoy.
There will be more mountains, but now you know how to climb them. And you have learned the secret of what is at the top.
Today, I will accept where I am and continue to push forward. If I am in the midst of a learning experience, I will allow myself to continue on with the faith that the day of mastery and reward will come. Help me, [Higher Power], understand that despite my best efforts to live in peaceful serenity, there are times of mountain climbing. Help me stop creating chaos and crisis, and help me meet the challenges that will move me upward and forward.

Well...I know that was long, but it couldn't have been better orchestrated for me, in my current place, if I'd tried.

Happy New Year internets...may you find your serenity, hope and courage this year.

An "I-Know-You-Missed-Me" Post accompanied by a BONUS Eavesdrop

2009-12-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I know.
I've been MIA and totally ignoring my blog.
There are reasons, people. Lots of them. All of which I'll talk about when I'm ready. I feel sometimes like my contributions lately have mostly been the negative or the inspirational or the struggle my brain goes through while trying to ignore my heart...so I've been away.
But it's okay. I'm okay. And I will most certainly share when I can put my words together in a way I am comfortable.

But!!!!
I do have a funny little "eavesdrop" for you today. It's been awhile, yes? (Blame Facebook...seriously...cuz they are all over there.)

I received a text from a good friend this morning that said:
"Oh my hell! M just asked me if Beast had his birthday yet. I said no. She said so he's still 112, right mom? LMAO"

(M is her 7 year old AWESOME daughter.)

Needless to say (but I will anyway...why do people use that saying if they are just going to say anyway...? hmmm...) I laughed my ass off too. Then proceeded to forward to Beast. Take that. Hahahahahaha.

Enjoy your day!

I Heart Faces...Tooshie Style

2009-11-29T23:53:00.000-08:00

This may not make much sense to you, but then again, maybe it will. :)

I Heart Faces is a photography blog that I lurk on, but am usually too chicken to enter any of my work in their challenges...well, today is a new day.

Week 47's challenge is "We Heart Tooshies"...so here is the one I am going to enter.

I love this photo from our Urban shoot in August. I heart my volunteer models (and their patience). :)

Wordless Wednesday: Channeling Al Bundy

2009-11-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

This Really Is It

2009-11-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was the first record (yes, I said record) I ever owned. And I loved it. It was my first music I owned all to myself as well as the first non-country music I fell in love with (I grew up in a "country music" family, I still enjoy it but my horizons are BROAD). I played that record so much it skipped all over the place.

Beast and I caught a matinee of the long awaited Michael Jackson's This Is It yesterday.

And WOW.

While I was moved, I didn't cry as I expected to(yay me!). It just wasn't like "that". It was a wonderful unintentional documentary of the concert series that never came to be. It was a celebration of his talent, work ethic and love for music and showmanship. The film quoted that the This Is It tour consisted of "...an unprecedented 50 sold out shows"...the man really was a King.

(Please forgive the crappy photos, as they were taken inconspicuously with my cell phone!)

This Is It is only playing for a limited time in the theater, so if you get a chance, get in there and see it.

Vampire Love

2009-10-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

I have read the Twilight saga, I am fully ensconced in the Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire series, and am truly, madly, deeply in love with Showtime's TrueBlood series.

(P.S. I read the books WAY before the show was in production talks, I will have you know.)

And while I won't jump on my sturdy soapbox for my love or hate for any of the aforementioned entertainment, I did want to share with you the vampires I am, and will always be, enamored with.

I am positive you will love them too (if you don't already!).

*Someone found a victim...

No Dice

2009-10-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

I didn't make it to the top 10 this month, but will keep trying. :)
You should still go here and vote for one of the finalists.
Good luck choosing just one, as there are so many talented folks out there!

Greeplepix Photo Contest

2009-10-20T18:09:00.001-07:00

I have not previously been a huge fan of intentionally putting my "talent" out there for anonymous criticism. But in my efforts to allow myself to be vulnerable, and to build my self esteem, I have entered the following photo in the Greeblepix Contest (over at Greeblemonkey) for the month of October.

This month has no theme so I allowed Beast to assist me in the selection. He loves this picture of the girl. It's not the best technical example of my talent and skill but I love it as well, even with its imperfections -- maybe because of them.

So...If I get to the second phase, I'll expect you people to vote for me! :) I'll keep you posted...

Today's Totally Relevant Affirmations

2009-10-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

I am not dedicated to reading my recovery books daily. This is something I want to improve on, among so many other things. So, today, in an effort to start again RIGHT NOW, I picked them both up. The affirmations in these books don't always apply to me on the day that I read them, and sometimes they are completely out of left field. Then, there are days like today. Where they are 100% at the right time.

From "The Language of Letting Go":

Our Good Points
What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know. Excerpt from "Beyond Codependency"

We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.
Honestly, fearlessly, ask: "Whats right with me? What are my good points?"
"Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?" We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.
"Is there something I do particularly well?" "Do I have a strong faith?" "Am I good at being there for others?" "A I good as part of a team, or as a leader?" "Do I have a way with words or with emotions?"
"Do I have a sense of humor?" "Do I brighten people up?" "Am I good at comforting others?" "Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?" "Do I see the best in people?"
These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that's okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.
Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.
Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we're learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.

Today, I will focus on what's right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I've extended to the world.

So, what surprised me what how many of these questions I was harsh with myself when answering. I will give myself permission to be completely honest with myself...

From "In This Moment, Daily Meditation"

In this moment, I relax.
In many meetings I have attended, the topic has been fear. Before I went to CoDA, fear meant "Forget Everything and Run". In recovery, it's changed to "Face Everything and Recover". I know when fear comes up, I have a choice. I can react or I can act. These days, I choose to act. I acknowledge the fear, practice positive self-talk, write about it and share with my sponsor. Then I let it go and I relax.

Relaxation...writing...sponsor...Things to ponder...

Acknowledging My Part in all of this...

2009-10-12T17:18:00.001-07:00

Lately I am finding myself taking stock.
Taking stock in my life, the ways I have lived it and the ways I am changing.
Taking stock of my relationships.
Taking stock in the decisions I have made and will make in the future.

For the last several weeks in CoDA, my focus has been on readings and discussions regarding healthy relationships, fault, blame and shame (among other things), and I have had a million thoughts streaming through my head at a rate that is mind numbing, and leaves me wondering where to even start. So, that being said, I'll just jump in feet first.

A series of events over the last several weeks have resulted in me finding myself in a situation that I have had to take a giant leap back from and really do some soul searching. I have some issues (for lack of a better word) with a friendship that have caused me to really analyze the relationship (over the last six months or so especially). In doing so, I have begun to notice the unhealthy aspects of this friendship, as well as the patterns that I repeat. These acknowledgments have led me to a place where I am taking stock in my part of the negativity. I realize that I play a part in my unhealthy relationships, and I am becoming aware that I am allowed to change them to suit my needs without feeling selfish. I am becoming more willing to allow it to end. Accepting the fact that I am allowed to let go of friendships that served me once, but no longer hold the same place in my life as they once did, is difficult. Through my reading and step work, I am beginning to accept that there is no room for "blame" in the ending of a relationship, but at the same time, I have to let go of the fact that I think I can "make it work", change people, or have control over their actions. I don't have to like or approve of what someone does, the way they live their life, their constant need to be the victim, their narcissistic tendencies, or their general outlook on life. I no longer feel the need to point their "faults" out to them...This is not the person I like to think I am, nor is it the person I want to be.

I am discovering that this relationship brings out the worst in me. When I can learn how to let an incident go, notice my triggers, back off, and/or become uninvolved, I feel so much better! The simple fact remains, that I do not have control over others. I never did. And I don't need to. It's not my responsibility to "fix" other people. Just as it's not my responsibility to "fix" every unpleasant situation.

It's true that I grew up feeling like it was my job to "fix" the unpleasantness, or that it was somehow my fault.
Mommy and Daddy are fighting because I had an opinion.
Daddy left because I wasn't good enough.
Mommy is angry because I wasn't perfect.

These are the things I told myself. And I was never corrected. Now, I am learning that I am the only one who can correct these thoughts and behaviors. I am learning that not all unpleasant situations are my fault. I don't always have to feel like I am wrong, nor do I have to concede to the other person to keep the peace. I don't have to feel bullied or anxious over someone else's anger, rejection or acceptance of me. I am not in control of their reactions.

It all sounds great "on paper" though, doesn't it? It sounds easy. It's not. I won't lie to you. I am struggling with this every damn day. But in working this program, I am getting stronger. I am becoming more aware of the situation. I am becoming able to recognize when I have been triggered: I recognize the sarcasm and condescension right away...and I don't like that girl. So, that girl is going to go away...bit by bit. I am not perfect, by any means...and this is going to be a long road, but as they say in the program "progress, not perfection"...now, if I can just accept that wholly...

Another day...

Local Flava!

2009-09-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

We have lived in Mukilteo for about six years now. Last year was the first time we even HEARD of the Lighthouse Festival. This year we made sure to go. The whole family had a GREAT time. We walked around the vendor fair for a bit, got some yummy festival food then settled in on the beach to await the fireworks show.

While the Boy has no problem with water of ANY temperature, the Girl wasn't a huge fan of the Puget Sound temperature. The Boy ran in and out of the water until his parents could watch him shiver no more, while the Girl stood pointing and laughing about how cute it all was (her words, not mine, though - there was a large amount of "cute").

The Boy and Beast hung out on the beach while the Girl and I got to witness just what all the Mukilteo high schoolers come to the festival for: karaoke. We laughed and enjoyed and danced around to the ~~horribleness~~ music of the group singers and clapped and whooped with everyone else to the wonderful Whitney Houston impersonator ("Dance with Somebody", anyone? She was GREAT!) who we could not believe was only in high school.

When I took the Boy for a walk to go buy ~~mini-donuts~~ health food just before the fireworks started (and let me just tell you...we got NONE. The trailer lost power. boooo!) a train went by and we missed the first big BOOM because there was no way we were walking away from the view of the train with all my body parts. He practically ripped my arm off when he dug his heels in with excitement. I let him stay and watch for two reasons. 1. The excitement was just SO ADORABLE. and 2. I totally felt bad when he looked up at me about a half hour before, crossed his arms over his chest, harrumphed, and said to me "Mommy. YOU forgot the shmarshmallows". (The last time he was at the beach for fireworks was on 4th of July with s'mores and camping...so really? I can understand the confusion here. That's what we get for setting the expectation, right?? Heh.)

Then we watched all the wonderful fireworks. While the Girl, Beast and I loved it...the Boy was a bit scared still, though he handled it like a pro. What a great way to end the night. I love our little community and can't wait for next year.

And Sometimes She Surprises Me

2009-09-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Girl started Middle School last week. In all her excitement she forgot to be a little girl. Or was it that we were forced to admit she wasn't one anymore? The lines are blurred (by tears?).

We did the requisite back to school shopping, well in advance this year I might add, for clothes and all the new supplies she needed. She was more than willing to recycle as many of last year's supplies as possible, with the hope that she would be able to get a new messenger style book bag, which we surprised her with a few days into the new school year.

Just 3 months ago she was in fifth grade at Elementary School, a big fish in a little pond. Now, in Middle School she is a small fish in an ocean and she is most certainly keeping her outgoing head above water. She has made so many new friends as well as kept the relationships she has navigated over the last 6 years in school. She was sad to see some of her closest friends move on to other Middle Schools but excited to meet up with girls she has played sports with but never shared a classroom. It is amazing to see this transition take place and realize that she is adjusting all on her own.

Just 2 months ago we tucked her in bed every night, Beast and me. Somewhere during this short, hot summer that ritual has gone away and she just comes to give us a kiss and hug and tell us goodnight. This transition, as so many others, happened organically and I didn't even realize it until she had put herself to bed for several consecutive nights. This is a natural progression, I suppose, but tonight she surprised me by asking me to do what we call "snug as a bug in a rug". This is something that I have done with her since she was a toddler; it always helped her to settle down and go to sleep on those harried nights where nothing else would ease the restlessness of her little body. It involves her laying on her back, blankets pulled up to her neck and me (or Beast - sometimes I can share these moments that once only belonged to me) tucking them in around her body reciting "SNUG as a BUG in a RUG" then gently swatting her on her side/backside while saying "hooah". I was only TOO happy to do this tonight, as it made my heart swell with the knowledge that sometimes she is still my little girl.

Time is flying by and all I can do is hope that we are giving her the wings she needs to fly and the strength, courage and knowledge to be able to spread them wide and take off in the right direction - whichever direction that may be. I am learning to let go...a little at a time.

Guidance and Direction

2009-09-04T23:50:00.000-07:00

Since I have been so confused and filled with turmoil today I turned to my toolbox. In that toolbox next to my journal my eyes settled on The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie.
Yes, again.
Too often I put aside my feeling of needing "help" and ignore the tools that are staring me point blank in the face.
Today was different.
Today I went in pursuit of the help that I know is there waiting for me to be ready to turn toward it.

Here is what I found:

Finding Direction
I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life. ~Anonymous

We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.
We can set goals annually, monthly or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.
We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.

Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.

Today, I take solace in these words. Am I fully on board with the Higher Power aspect of it? Not yet. But I am getting there. The rest, makes sense to me. Admittance of this past pattern is the first step, right? Well, I guess for me this is part of the first step. I plan to have happiness in my life, I plan to make choices for my betterment and not necessarily to think about others' needs before mine. I am just as important as everyone else. No more, no less. Today, I am grateful for this guidance and direction. And for my ever dependable toolbox.

Friday Overheard

2009-09-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

(Again, I don't think it counts as an "overheard" if I am part of the conversation; for lack of a better word, we are going with "overheard". Deal with it.)

The Boy (yelling from the bathroom): Mo-ommy, come he-ere. (cute because he dragged on the syllables. I really should have known this was not a good sign.)

So, because I am still vying for that Mom of the Year award, I walk to the bathroom.
I get to the doorway and find him standing on his stool, facing away from the toilet toward the door, one hand on his hip, the other pointing proudly at his junk.

The Boy: Mo-omy, my peepee is BI-IG.
Me: Oh, yeah. Okay, buddy. Pull up your pants. (I was caught quite by surprise, and a little embarrassed.)

What does the boy do? Couldn't be 'listen to his mommy'. No, that would be too easy.
He takes two fingers pushes in his junk and moves his hand in a circular motion while pushing it in. With a huge smile on his face. While I stare on in horror.

So, I decide, I'll just walk away and he'll stop because he no longer has an audience, right? Wrong. As I walk away from the bathroom, completely mortified at this point because this is SO not my department, what do I hear?

The Boy: Mo-ommy, it's little again.

Awesome. UGH.

Of course, when I sent Beast this little exchange via text message, I got no sympathy. I received the following: "That is freaking awesome...I am crying I am laughing so hard right now."

Want to know what the text message said back to him? Two words. The second one was "you". I'm sure you can use your imagination from there.

Love Thursday, Opposite Style

2009-09-03T22:56:00.001-07:00

I parked my car today and looked up.

And saw this:

Do you know what that is??

No? Here, try to see beyond the beautiful blue sky and puffy white clouds...take another look:

There are rust and pumpkin and goldenrod leaves hidden amongst the green and blue and white.

That, my friends, is the first sign of Fall here in my neck of the woods.

Twilight is upon us earlier and earlier, which always takes me by surprise. School started this week (post about that later, when I can wrap my head around it all), but this? This, I wasn't ready for. I don't know why...I just wasn't. I'm not prepared. I have enjoyed this summer with the Girl and the Boy - unemployment is bittersweet - and while I love Fall in the Pacific Northwest and all the wonderful beauty it brings to our landscape, it holds the tale-tell signs that Winter is lurking around the corner. Me? Not a fan of Winter. Why? It's simple really: I hate snow. Snow brings cold. Not a fan of being cold, therefore not a fan of Winter. Must I repeat myself? Heh.

Watch out for the signs of Fall coming at you in full regalia. They are everywhere. I know I'll find the beauty and truly enjoy it once it has settled in, but for now, I am fighting tooth and nail (accompanied by a little pouting) to enjoy the limited days of Summer we have left. I'm not ready to let go of Summer. Enjoy it with me, everyone.

Love Thursday, Sitter Style

2009-08-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

Webster's Dictionary defines babysitter as "someone who cares for children usually during a short absence of the parents; to care for".

Sorry, Webster, I think you were more than a little slacking in that definition. No where did I read words even remotely close to "divine", "trustworthy", "awesome", "life saver", "wonderful", "friend", "confidant", "mom substitute", "aunt-like", "deeply loved" (the list goes on).

There is this girl. Well, woman really-I mean, she is a wife and soon-to-be mommy. We have been so lucky to have her in our lives. We can leave our kids with her and truly not worry about them (or her). We can trust that bedtimes will be met, without forgetting pajamas, teeth brushed and faces washed. We know she is the Girl's confidant, and thank god for that, but we also know that if there is something we need to know, she will tell us without hesitation (and always on the sly). The kids can expect to have a good time, whether that means the neighborhood park for 15 minutes, painting at the kitchen table, going to the sprinkler park or even the local lake. We know that we don't have to worry that our children aren't being guarded by a pit bull, because they are. She would never let anything happen to them. And for that? We are most thankful.

To watch her evolve into this wonderful wife and mom that we know she will be is bittersweet. We worry that the day will come (and it will, without a doubt) when she is no longer available to us. While we know that she loves our children like her own, it's different once you actually have your own. I just hope that we will still be blessed with her presence from time-to-time.

So Sitter-Friend: in case we don't say it enough, we love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being so wonderful to our family.

Here are a few pictures of their latest outing:

And proof that she was actually there:

*I take no credit for the photos, just the editing! (See! She is so great she even takes photos while they are out AND emails them to me!)

Wordless Wednesday AKA The Boy Thinks He's Funny

2009-08-12T13:57:00.001-07:00

Interesting Tuesday

2009-08-11T15:02:00.000-07:00

Unemployment has allowed me the opportunity to spend special time with the Girl and the Boy, sometimes one-on-one, but usually together. We have been taking advantage of the free movies shown at the local cinema. Usually, this is an uneventful excursion. The Boy sits and watches the movies like a well behaved little dude, the Girl tolerates the G movies (and I think she secretly enjoys them).

Which brings me to today. Today was um...er...interesting.

We arrived today to see Space Chimps a tad early, as usual (we like to sit in the railing row to avoid evil looks from the people in front of us when the Boy kicks their seat -- my apologies if this has ever been you. About ten minutes after we got there, the Girl pointed out (in her not to subtle way) some um...er...interesting footwear on a woman walking directly in front of us. At first I wasn't quite sure what she was pointing and gesturing maniacally at, as all I saw were toes sticking out from her high water mom jeans. Now, don't get me wrong, I people watch and bag on fashion disasters with the best of them, but this? This took the frickin' cake! Since I couldn't subtly take a photo (I do have standards) in the dimly lit theater, here is a photo I was able to borrow online.

WHAT? What the hell? Like I said, at first I saw just feet, then I thought I saw toe socks due to what I thought was tie dye - which would be bad enough. Then I thought, where in the hell did this woman find TOE CROCs? That's what they looked like you guys. No! It was shoes I was looking at, and I use that term loosely. I know this because when she sat NEXT TO ME, I got to see them up close and personal. Hers were tie dyed. No. Really.

If that wasn't bad enough, here is the second odd occurrence at the theater. First, let me say for the record, that as a mom, I realize that not everything my kids do is as cute to others as it is to me. I am fine with this, truly.

I promise.

So, that being said, the Boy, who if you will remember is three years old and ADORABLE and FUNNY, is in this phase where he is obsessed with running around with a makeshift cape saying "dun da dun, super Boy" (I really don't know how to type out the Superman heroic sound effect, ok?). On the way to the bathroom prior to the start of the movie, he was saying this with his arms out behind him, sans cape of course - we are in public after all - walking behind a fortyish woman. As we cross the threshold of the bathroom door, the Boy says "I'm super Boy! dun da dun! I rescue that girl!" and points at this woman. I, of course, thought this was quite endearing and hilarious. She however, did not. She turned to him and said, "who me?" He said, "yeah you!" all excited-like. She then says, and this is the over-the-top, unbelievably-rude part, "no, I'll rescue myself" and shuts the bathroom door!

Can you picture it, people?? The Boy looks up at me like "the hell?"

We proceeded to use the restroom while Mommy said things aloud like "it's ok, buddy you are my hero" and "some people just don't have a sense of humor" and "wow. relax".

She of course, was silent.

Happy Tuesday to you too, lady! I hope you enjoyed your FREE G rated KIDS movie...I hope your seat got kicked. A lot.

Here is Where I Start. For Real.

2009-08-07T00:17:00.001-07:00

I have found myself doing a lot of soul searching lately. This blog is taking a different voice this time around, so bear with me...or step out now. It's time; I think, to take a different approach...honest and vulnerable. Here is where I get to be incredibly honest with everyone (the like 3 of you out there...), if not for everyone else, then for myself. After all, its my freakin' blog, right? I suppose that means I can say whatever I feel I need to here. I just go into it hoping that my dear internets will be gentle with me. I am not looking for a boost or sympathy, but like mama always said (well, not MY mother, but someone's mother, I'm sure) if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
And a special note for my Beast: there are things in this blog I have not been able to say aloud, sometimes its just not that simple; some of these things have just occurred to me, and I need to get them down while I have the courage. I love you.

I am not good at vulnerability; I have discovered it is a learned trait for me, not something that is inherently built in to my personality. Vulnerability is really becoming this repetitive thing in my life. I am uncomfortable being vulnerable. I used to feel it was a weakness, recently I am really discovering how much strength it takes to not be intimidated and to be vulnerable in every aspect of life.

The easiest aspect to talk about is my "hobby", but also my passion. I am looking at being vulnerable in putting myself out there as a professional photographer. I am afraid and intimidated by the criticism I have convinced myself I will receive. However, I think that the time is coming to "shit or get off the pot", as mama would say. I am just very unsure of where to start. I have not been as diligent as I can be in getting this business off the ground. The last couple weeks, and the last couple days in particular, have shown me just how much I want this to become a profession and not just a hobby. I don't want to just be 'that girl who takes pretty pictures', I want to be 'that photographer who is amazing'. Only I can make that happen, and I think it's about time I do. Watch out world...right?

Wow, this next one is a bit harder.
For those who don't know me well, or that I have felt I couldn't say this to: I am dealing with a lot of emotional baggage. I believe all this baggage has led to depression. No, I am not getting medical attention for it...yet. I am dealing with it with therapy and a 12 step program. The good news? It's working. The bad news? It requires a fucking lot of honesty, commitment, hard work and (ugh! there's that word again!) vulnerability. If you aren't sure how I feel about that, start over at the top of this blog. Ha!
Phew, it feels good to get that out "officially".

The last couple weeks have really held some important milestones in my life. I celebrated my one year in therapy. I also celebrated my first CoDA Birthday. If you are thinking "WTF is CoDA", go to http://www.coda.org/, it's too much to explain it here, in this blog entry that is probably too long already (maybe next time). Are you still reading?? Good.

Beast and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary as well as our "together" anniversary. (What do you call that one, by the way? "Together" sounds weird...help me out here...or don't. Whateves.) I had been really tense the few weeks prior to our anniversary. I had nightmares; horrible, tear inducing nightmares. I had crying jags and deep, deep depression followed with a ton of insomnia that caused me to be distant, bitchy, emotional - among other things. So, I started to force myself to think. Think about why; delve into that deep dark well of hurt in my head and figure out what the fuck was wrong with me.

Then I hit a brick wall.
It finally hit me in a moment of clarity that for the last four years I have been waiting. Waiting for something awful to happen. Waiting for Beast to be sick of me. Waiting to fail. Let me explain, as I'm leery that I may have lost you there for a moment. I was married before Beast. I was young, I thought I was doing the right thing, I was very unhappy. That marriage lasted just under four years. So, you see, this anniversary meant something to me subconsciously. I didn't realize it, but I was looking forward to that day. I was looking forward to proving I could do it, that I wasn't a failure, that I can be a good wife, mother, etc. And somehow, I convinced my subconscious that making it to this four year milestone was the way to do just that. It would prove I wasn't a failure, that I was 'fixed', that I can be "lovable and loving and loved". When Beast and I were arguing the day before, I got petrified. My imagination ran away with me, those terrible voices in my head had a FIELD DAY with my emotions, hence the mind numbing nightmares. I realize and know that it is unfair to me, to Beast, to US to compare the two. I am not the same girl I was back then, he's not him. And while I know all this, I still feel like I have something to prove. So, there that is...I don't really know what else to say about all of that right now, but there you have it, me in all my honesty and vulnerability.

What else is left to say right now, except...thank you for listening...? (and I am really afraid to hit "publish post"...but if I don't, what is the point?) Here I go.

Here's to the Next 60 Years

2009-07-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

There was this day four years ago, that started with nerves and excitement, continued with laughter, promises and fun and ended with friends, family, love and magic. Here are some shots from that day that sometimes seem so long ago and other times feels like yesterday. I won't lie and say its all been sunshine, roses and easy street - it has been work that is worth every bit of growth, sweat and tears we have put into it. In my heart I look forward to the next sixty. I wonder if they will fly by just as quickly.

Love Thursday, Naturally

2009-07-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

The kids found this little guy in the pool in our backyard. The Girl was so stoked that there was a heart on his head, and was sure to point it out to me right away. She asked me to share it here with you for Love Thursday. Enjoy.

Tuesday Eavesdropping Short aka the Post I Wish had Video

2009-07-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

The following conversation happened right next to me after hearing the pitter patter of bare summer little boy feet on the kitchen linoleum.
Boy: Daddy, I want cookie.
Daddy: No cookies right now.
Boy (sounding VERY pathetic): but my tummy wants it.
*Daddy and Mommy laughed at how cute that was, caved and the Boy WON (of course he did) and was rewarded with a very small frosted animal cookie.

Five seconds later, pitter patter of bare summer feet on the kitchen linoleum coming right for us.
Boy: Daddy? My tummy needs 'nother one cookie.
Daddy: No buddy. You have crackers and cheese on the table, eat those.
Boy: Daddy, my tummy neeeeeds it.
Daddy: Ask your tummy if it will eat cheese and crackers.
Boy: no, you ask my tummy.
*The Boy then lifts his shirt, and gestures to his waiting belly button. Daddy complies.
Daddy: Yup, your tummy wants them.
Boy (not convinced): No, Daddy. It doesn't.

Love Thursday

2009-07-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I am working on learning how to love myself.
And not only on Thursdays.

I would *love* to find within me the ability, strength and courage to be happy with myself, confident in my decisions, proud of my progress and content with my image.

Today, I am thankful for the mental clarity to realize that all of these things are solely up to me to convert them into a reality instead of a burning desire. I think I am almost ready.

...almost ready to learn to love myself.

Wordless Wednesday: Bun in the Oven Style

2009-07-16T00:17:00.001-07:00

Letting Go (July 7th Edition)

2009-07-10T01:03:00.000-07:00

I have shared excerpts from a daily meditation book here before. I don't make a habit of it as I don't feel I need to shove what works for me down everyone's throats.
That said, the entry from a few days ago was so profound, perfectly timed and needed for me at the time that I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Maybe if I share it here, with you, I will be able to accept it a little more...

Getting it all Out
Let yourself have a good gripe session ~ Women, Sex and Addiction, Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.

What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.

Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side - the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.

~~~The Language of Letting Go, Melodie Beattie

So, there you have it. Now, maybe I can get some peace. I will continue to work hard to not feel bad when I do vent; to accept that my friends are accepting, that when they say it's okay for me to vent, I hope to someday not still feel the need to say "I'm sorry".

Confessions of an Embarrassed Woman aka The Post that Makes You Say "Blugh"

2009-07-07T11:38:00.001-07:00

I discovered something on our camping trip over the holiday. I learned a lesson about thinking before acting. I discovered what...well, let me back up and tell this story in order.

Beast and I decided we would play a game of cards by lantern and campfire light before going to bed. We spent the day on Long Beach with the kids playing in the sand, flying kites, making s'mores and watching amazing fireworks. I sat on the bench and when I moved I felt my pants stick, like I had sat in something sticky. So I stood, touched the back of my pants to figure out what it was and sure enough, there was about a 1/4 inch of something sticky on my pants. I assumed it was residual candy from the Boy having sat in that vicinity earlier in the day enjoying his parade loot.

So I smelled my fingers. Nothing.

Then, since we didn't have running water, I made the big mistake of licking my finger.
I think I was tired.
I think I may have been delirious.
I think I may have just not been thinking.
Really? Was this the best way to clean my hand?
Probably not.

A few minutes later, before sitting back down in anything that might still remain on the seat, I used the lantern to inspect the bench.
This is the moment I realized things had gone horribly wrong.
The ONLY thing on that bench was what looked like bird poop. Yes, bird poop. So, I turned to the Beast and asked if what was on my pants was white.
His only response was hysterical, blinding, pee-inducing laughter.
It was the only answer I needed to make me realize all the other options I had other than LICKING. THE. BIRD. SHIT. OFF. MY. FINGERS.

For the record, bird poop tastes like nothing. Not in the nothing-you-have-ever-tasted-before sense, truly, it tasted like nothing. But still, I was, and still am, incredibly skeeved out.

Ode to Bedtime Excuses

2009-06-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Reason for getting out of bed #1: "Mommy, I have to go pee-pee."

*Of course, I let him...but I am onto him. And really, how do you tell him no when you tell him all day long not to go in his big boy underwear? He knows we can't. One point for the little guy.

Reason for getting out of bed #2: "Mommy, I need sip yo water."

*Cliche as it is, he was so groggy and I heard him whimpering to himself over the baby monitor (yes, I am paranoid and still use the monitor--that kid is sneaky) for a couple minutes before he ventured out the the door, so suffice it to say, I was bewitched and allowed the requested sip of my water. Another point for the little guy.

Reason for getting out of bed #3: "Mommy, I need my Nemo pillow."

*The Nemo pillow referenced above is a Finding Nemo bed accent pillow that he has an on-again/off-again relationship with. I let him have the pillow, arranged it for him and tucked him in bed again. Add a point for the little guy.

Reason for getting out of bed #4: "Mommy, I need to tell you I love you."

*I have no words for this one. Definite point for the little guy on this one. Hell, give him two.

So far, its 5 points Boy, 0 points Mommy.

Bonus: the "cute" factor is off the charts.

So I think we just get to call it a draw.

Love Thursday

2009-06-25T10:33:00.001-07:00

Memorial Day weekend we returned home from camping and took the kids down to our local beach. As we were walking, I noticed a heart shape made of shells and the two lovely ladies sitting just beyond it. They were gracious enough to allow me to take a photo of the shells as well as of them. I was in such a rush to keep up with my family (who didn't realize I had stopped) that I just snapped the photos quickly and moved on. It wasn't until I got home and uploaded the pictures that I realized what was inside the heart. In that moment, I wish I had taken the time to pause and chat with them, I am intrigued by this photo, and wish I had taken the opportunity to find out their story. I love that they shared their "love" with me - and now you.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-24T14:28:00.001-07:00

Super Hero Photo Challenge

2009-06-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

I am popping my Super Hero Photo Challenge cherry. Shutter Sisters hosts this challenge on a regular basis and I have yet to participate. I snapped the picture below at the lake about a couple weeks ago and it is perfect for this challenge.

Visit http://shuttersisters.com/home/2009/6/20/superhero-photo-challenge-superhero.html to see the rest of the entries and to read more about this challenge. I would love to see yours so feel free to leave the link in your comments here as well.

Love Thursday

2009-06-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

When Love Starts here

And Expands Here:

Envelopes Here:

And Uplifts Here:

I am Happy and Honored to have been Here:

Miss Laryssa Ann, born June 18th, 2009 at 6:38am ~ weight: 8lbs, 6oz ~ length: 20in.

Multiple Uses, Apparently

2009-06-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

Picture this little conversation with the Boy:

Boy (excitedly pointing at the wall in the living room): Woook! (3 year old for 'look') What's that???
Me (pretty disinterested): a bug
Boy (getting more and more excited): No! Its a spider.
Me (still not that interested - it was pretty far away): oh.
Boy (approaching manic): GET IT!!!!
Me: I can't reach it.
*Which was a total lie. I was just too lazy to get my bum up off the couch to get it at that very moment.
Boy (a light bulb suddenly appearing above his head): I help you.
*And then he disappeared down the hall toward the bathroom. I turned to the Girl and we conspired that he was going to get his potty stool for me to reach the spider. To our surprise he walked out of the bathroom with the plunger. To which the Girl broke into hysterical laughter, all the while explaining that is what the Beast used to get a spider out of his reach recently.

Interesting.

And now I know that plungers can be used for more things than merely making the poop go down the toilet on a bad day.

Good to know, right?

You're welcome.

Ode to Neosporin

2009-05-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

Let me just go on the record before I tell this story, that in no way have I EVER alluded to the following actions as a "good idea".

I got home late one night (and by 'late' I mean, the kids were already in bed) a couple weeks ago and Beast informed me that the Girl had a horrendous case of chapped lips. He proceeded to tell me that between the two of them they couldn't find a single stick of Chapstick in the house (unbelievable!)

He tells me, there is no need for me to worry...he had it all under control. When I asked how, he informed me that he had her put Neosporin ON. HER. LIPS. (yes, that deserved caps!)

It seems the absolutely horrified, disbelieving look on my face accompanied by the AWE AND AMAZEMENT that this could actually have happened, followed by the suggestion that maybe Vaseline would have been a much better idea, followed by the WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT SHIT IS POISONOUS spewing from my dropped jaw, was sufficient enough to get him off the couch and into a full-on sprint up the stairs to have her wipe it off.

And THEN? The whole scenario gets ridiculous.

He comes back downstairs laughing hysterically, holding his ribs from all the hysterical laughing...and informs me that when he went in her room, warm washcloth in hand, and attempted to wake her to wipe it off -- she licked her lips, looked up at him and groggily said "huh?" At which point, he figured the damage had already been done, came back down the stairs and made me almost wet myself from all the hysterical laughing.

Now, rewind to about two weeks before this when I cleaned out the medicine cabinet and discovered that we are now OUT of most things, Neosporin being one of them. So, while he was upstairs preparing for the hysterical laughter after attempting to have her wipe it OFF HER LIPS, I was downstairs thinking things along of the lines of "hmm...wonder where he got the Neopsorin".

Then? He gave me the tube of Neosporin.
That says "if ingested call poison control immediately".
That expired in October.
Of 2007.

More disbelieving laughter ensued. From both of the best parents IN. THE. WORLD.
Followed by threats of him finding his story here.

I am thinking this post should have been titled: "Neopsorin is NOT a Substitute for Chapstick".

One Lucky Mommy

2009-05-10T20:30:00.001-07:00

Happy Number 3, Buddy!

2009-04-30T22:12:00.001-07:00

This will be a shorter post than we are used to...textly speaking, anyway.

My heart is full and words escape me...

So, instead, I will share with you some (unedited) photos from the Boy's last day as a Two Year Old.

(Does that mean that the Terrible Twos are over too? Please...)

**This is what it looks like when a very excitable two year old realizes mommy holds all the power. The power of the quesadilla!**
**I am really not as devilish as I look here...Or maybe I am.**
**Just when he mastered the Two Finger answer to the "How old are you?" question from strangers, he goes and turns THREE.***

**No matter hold old I am, I'll always love my sissy!**

Happy Birthday, Buddy. Mommy loves you and I am ~~scared~~ excited to see what an experience your third year will be.

Lesson Learned

2009-04-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

I really ought to know better.

I should have seen it coming.

Introducing The Boy to PBR Rodeo on Versus Network during bedtime "quiet time" will not result in him being calm. It will, however, result in him yelling at the television. Yelling things like "go, cowboy, go" and "yeah, yeah, yeah" and "get it, get it, get it". All of which were followed by a resounding "FALL DOWN!!!" and a reenactment consisting of him jumping around on all fours and falling over. And he did NOT last the entire 8 seconds.

Upstaging this cuteness...the five times we had to return him to his bed, all the while convincing him he is not a cowboy...or a bull.

Lesson Learned.

**Yes, I realize this is a short post, and generally speaking, I usually feel this sort of thing should be short, sweet and left as a Facebook status update or a Tweet...but alas, it's been awhile since I showed my blog some love and well, frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn.

Wishing and Hoping

2009-04-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

So often lately, I find myself with this thought: "I wish I could attach a little video camera to my kids".

I remember when they were babies, they would do something I thought was amazingly noteworthy and I would think "Oh, isn't that cute!?! I have to tell so-and-so." The problem lied in the re-telling. Replaying the event or little moment verbally never seemed to do it justice--it just wasn't the same as when you were there.

Whether it was the way the Girl would talk to her imaginary dog friend, locking it in the bathroom, telling it she'd be "wight back" or if it was the Boy, laying on his back laughing at American Idol doing frog kicks, going nowhere fast. These images are ingrained in my memory, but I am also sadly aware of all the moments that I have already forgotten, thinking at the time that there was no way they could ever do something cuter or greater than the moment they had just awed me with.

This Easter these thoughts blazed through my head and heart as I watched the way the Girl, all of 11 years old, came down the stairs and gasped when she glimpsed her Easter basket resting up against the new lamb from Build-a-Bear. That wish was there when the Boy just kept breathlessly saying "wow", for the first time in that context, every time he saw something else that just seemed so GREAT. I wonder if I will remember the way he really "got" Easter this year. I wonder how much longer the Girl will "believe".

It saddens me to imagine that some day, these memories may, like so many others, disappear from the recesses of my overloaded brain. In an attempt to postpone that as long as possible, I intend to grab every one of these magnificently breathtaking moments and envelope them in a massive Mama Bear Hug and hold tight hoping with all my heart that they don't wriggle free.

PINECONES ARE AWESOME!!!!

2009-04-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Can I get a "What, what?"

2009-04-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

I know...very random.
I am just so excited!!!
Brand spanking new spring green Dell Fabulous Laptop arrived via FedEx today. I am on it now. This very moment.
How. Wonderful.
And freeing! Wow.

Now if I could just get used to all the fancy schmancy buttons, gadgets and lack of a mouse...

And Tying for Coolest. Thing. Ever.

2009-04-07T18:33:00.000-07:00

Recently my good friend, Erin, and I were graced with the presence of Heather B. Armstrong aka Dooce. (Imagine the name "Dooce" at a booming decibel not unlike the the Great Wizard of Oz: "DDDOOOOCCCEEE!" And then maybe you can understand just how big of a deal this was!) She is on a book tour for her newest release It Sucked and then I Cried, How I had a Baby, a Breakdown and a Much Needed Margarita. (Seriously, does it get better than that??? I think NOT.)

She was more fabulous in person than I could ever have imagined--and believe me I had imagined what it would be like. Not in that stalker kind of way, but I was becoming borderline. And when the moment came and I got to actually meet her, words failed me. I was stuttering along with the best of them and the best I could come up with was "you made me laugh so hard my face hurts!" Which was the most honest thing I could come up with. Bless her heart, she laughed with me. Or maybe it was at me...doesn't really matter.

Between the hairy vagina coin purse she was given as a gift by some ~~freak~~ artist in the audience, the pregnant fan who had her sign her belly, the thorough monologue with her boobs as the topic of discussion and the guy who stood up, said he had never heard of her but his girlfriend is pregnant and she had officially scared the shit out of him, the night was complete. In her defense, she warned him.

I could not have asked for a more perfect Dooce encounter.

That's me, of course, with Dooce herself!!

Erin, who has now popped her Book Signing Cherry. (Yes, that deserved caps. And yes I helped her all I could. *wink*)

Coolest. Thing. Ever.

2009-03-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

Well maybe not THE coolest, but certainly, one of the coolest lately!
That's me! With great hair! Oh and with JODI PICOULT!!! Can you believe it???

I was so excited to meet Jodi Picoult, live and in color this week! I went with a new friend and had a great time! (can't you tell by all the exclamation points, that this wasn't just an ordinary day in the life...?!?)

She did about a twenty minute reading from her new book "Handle with Care" - which you will see on my book list as soon as I start it. I have never been so lucky as to hear an author read their own work. It was inspiring and really brought the story to life.

When it was my turn to be rushed thru the line (thank-you University Bookstore-Mill Creek, you were so prepared for this event - I really hope you read that with sarcasm), get my brand new birthday copy signed (thanks Beast!) and pose for a quick photo (jeez, I'm so cute), Jodi was nothing but sweet to me!

Ah...what a fantastic day!

Be jealous.

Today...

2009-03-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday, and instead of going on about how depressing it is to get older, or how it just feels like another day, I will take a different route. I would like to allow myself to take a moment to acknowledge some of the things I am accomplishing and that I like about me.

Today, I am a more honest me.

Today, I am a more aware me.

Today, I am a more rational me.

Today, I am a more vulnerable me.

Today, I look fear in the face and am not as scared as I once was.

Today, I recognize my strength.

Today, I am learning to love myself.

Today, I am a more real me.

Today, I give myself permission to just be.

Today, I have hope for more days like today.

Searching for Serenity

2009-03-19T20:29:00.001-07:00

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.

This, in all it's wisdom, is truly my saving grace.

Milestones & Memories

2009-03-10T20:26:00.000-07:00

What a week it has been. I realize it is only Tuesday when I am posting this; I am talking about what an interesting ride the last 7 days have been.

The Boy has found his flow. Yes, that flow. He will stand on a stool, lean over the toilet holding onto the uplifted seat and lean in to mark that bowl with all his might. He is becoming a pro! He'll be three May 1st, and I have certainly been feeling the "be a perfect parent" pull toward pushing him a little too hard. I learned that lesson the hard way with The Girl, so we have been more lax with The Boy, convinced that when his time comes, he'll master it on his own. Well, turns out that theory worked. Yay toilet training! Now if we can figure out a way to get him to stop stripping all his clothes off and running around making "psssss" noises while he aims at his disgusted sister...
In other news, The Boy has also learned to put his shoes on himself, put on his pull-up himself, and scare mommy half to death by jumping down THREE stairs onto the landing, precariously tottering toward falling head-over-feet down the remaining 8 or 9 steps. Way to go BOY!

The Girl is certainly not without milestones this week. We had a fun time shopping on Saturday at one of her favorite, albeit rarely visited stores. She received a generous gift card for her birthday and in the three weeks since, that card has not only burned a hole in her pocket the size of Texas, but has incinerated every article of clothing that has dared cross it's path. She made some wise decisions after struggling a bit to shop all on her own, and having a friend and me step in to help her "create". She ended up not only spending that card, but almost all her cash on a gotta-have-it spring skirt that makes her look sweetly young and gracefully grown-up all at the same time.
The Girl is certainly coming into her own.
There is also an instance that I am sure I am not allowed to talk about here, ~~we had a close encounter of the puberty kind this week...more of a discovery really. A permanent one, as the Girl learned very quickly~~, so I won't. Because I am really hankering for that Mom of the Year Award.
Tonight we had middle school orientation. I am convinced someone has swapped my little girl with a pre-pubescent tween. Middle School? MIDDLE SCHOOL??? We listened to the school staff tell all about the coming curriculum expectations in very exciting ~~long, boring~~ detail. I even allowed her to sit with her friends, instead of forcing her to sit with me...it was hit or miss there for a few minutes, until I realized that her six friends were sitting parentless and I was among the "old people". After the lengthy class, club and athletic program discussion, we got a mini-tour of the school. As we walked down the locker lined halls, memories long suppressed came flooding back. Then, as I shared with her that she was lucky because when I was in middle school we had to share lockers, I realized in that moment just how little she cared about my story and had already moved on in creating hers.

Happy Creating, baby. I am both scared and ecstatic to see what happens next. As is she...

Eavesdropping: Award Style

2009-02-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

Beast and I spent an hour this evening watching The Girl's soccer team receive their award and medals for placing second in their Division this last season. (Way to go girls!!!) Since the season was spent ~~bribing~~ encouraging The Girl to do her best with the promise of ice cream after the game if she scored a goal for her team, I figured Baskin-Robbins was a great way to end a special night. After The Girl ordered her single scoop chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, in a waffle cone, we got back in the car to take it home.
The only noises coming from the backseat were those of an eleven year old winner enjoying her prize.
Until this...:

"My taste buds are singing." Said almost to herself.

All I could do was laugh. And as I did so she sang "Haaaallll-eluyah!" as the cherry on top.

Doth Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

2009-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

A Wordless Wednesday and a Love Thursday all in the same week!?!

Yup, that's right. Seeing is believing!

It could be said that I am having a productive week, being all attentive to your needs.

Or...I am feeling guilty about not having given my best effort to my poor blog and bloggy followers (there are a few of you out there I think).

Either way...YOU WIN!

Technically, this is a Love Thursday post.

Technically, I am writing it on Wednesday.

I am not into technicalities, so you'll take it. And you'll like it!

The Beast planned a sweetly romantic outing on Valentine's Day ~~which I tried to ruin because I hate surprises~~. We had a picnic at a nearby beach park that Beast found by putting his super investigative powers to good use. While we were walking along the beach we happened upon a shelter of sorts. It was apparent to us that teenagers most likely built it, but damn those teenagers are talented! I, of course, go nowhere without a camera (count your blessings) and was lucky enough to take ~~too many~~ a few photos.

Rear view ~~snicker~~ as we stumbled upon this awesome shack:

Full Frontal ~~snicker again~~:

The requisite 'self timer' photo (we don't have many of us that we both like so YAY!):

It's all in the details:

And a true Love Thursday (Beast now understands why I have sidewalk chalk in my camera bag-he'll never doubt my sanity again):

Love Thursday to all. Give yourself a little love this time around, ok ~~snicker, giggle, snicker~~?

Wordless Wednesday, a day early

2009-02-24T16:49:00.001-08:00

Oh...and...not exactly wordless either.

Wordless Wednesday coming backatcha! Chances of a post making it up tomorrow are slim so look at me being all generous and sharing a day early!
Enjoy Fat Tuesday everyone!*

Eavesdropping: Texting Style

2009-02-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

So, I have a dilemma. I'm sort of in a pickle, as some may say.
If I participate in a conversation, can I technically call it "eavesdropping"?
Probably not. But guess what?
My blog.
My rules.
Take that evil blog rule thinker-uppers.
Kachow!

The following is a portion of a text conversation between the Creative Director (or CD as she'll be referred to below, who by the way is very, very pregnant and a mommy of a soon-to-be two-year-old girl) (sorry...but you are...you know who you are) and me.

CD: God I wish I could go for adult drinks...big ones...With lots of alcohol!
Me: Day is going well huh?
CD: You have a 2 year old...you know. Is it legal to put them in the dryer? What if I don't turn it on?
Me: I would suggest washing machine
CD: (text came with a photo attached -- green glop on a kitchen table -- thanks for that) Want some already been chewed asparagus? Mmm. Tell me, why bother chewing all your food if you are just going to spit it out.
Me: I understand her feelings there...but can't say I blame her. lol
CD: It wasn't just asparagus. All she's eaten is half a pound of jojo's, a cup of rice-a-roni and half an apple fritter. At least I try to tell myself its a fruit and vegi. lol
Me: Sounds fine to me. lol

Needless to say, we probably won't be getting those "Best Parent in Town" awards this year either.
Damn. I already dusted a spot on the shelf for the giant trophy shaped like a Mondo Margarita.

Maybe next year...

Really? Pee-pee HAS to be the focus here?

2009-02-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

I am trying desperately to catch up on the blogs that I used to be so GREAT at reading on a daily basis...to no avail.
However, I did read the Bloggess today...(you gotta love a woman posts about dead hobo fingers, especially when you later discover she is right...there really IS a use for dead hobo fingers) and I totally decided to copy her. I figure that if she is going to link to http://www.wordle.net/, that's just like giving me express permission to copycat. Yeah, I'm going with that theory.

You can view mine on the sidebar (cuz I'm not cool enough to have figured out how to actually save it...and I'm too chicken to ask her). If you click on it, it will take you directly to a bigger picture of my coolness.

Enjoy!

Being Alright with Falling Behind

2009-02-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: this post is not full of sunshine and daisies, but maybe by the end I will have come up with something entertaining, heartfelt and maybe a little inspirational.

That is certainly the area I need a lot of help in this week my friends.
I bet you thought I didn't love you anymore. I do. Really.
I am still just trying to adjust, ya know? Adjust to a new schedule, a new bedtime, a new routine for everyone in my household.

And I am not used to it yet.

I am not adjusted.

Most days, I feel pulled in so many directions I am unsure of where to start conquering all the tasks and duties I have convinced myself must be conquered. Then, when I force myself to use the tools at my disposal, center myself and take a giant leap back and just take in the situation from a different, calmer perspective, I realize, the only person tugging at me...is me.

So doesn't that mean that the only person who can change the situation is also...me?

I beat myself up over the smallest things. Whether the kids got baths today, whether the laundry is folded or just hanging out waiting for it's third de-wrinkling cycle in the dryer, whether I have expressed to my family that I love them and appreciate them, whether I have blogged, taken a photo today, have I written in my journal...boy the list just goes on and on. I have this ongoing list in my head of things that just HAVE to get done. Yet, when I attempt to think about the things I actually HAVE accomplished, that list is harder to compile. I can't give myself credit for the things I am able to conquer.

That is what I want to change. I want to be okay with just living. I want to feel like it is alright if I don't get everything done on my list, if I fall behind. I want to feel like my world isn't crashing in on me choking out my every breath if I forget one...small...thing.

Deep, deep down, in my heart, I know its okay if I'm not perfect; I just want my head to believe it too.

Today, all I can tell you for certain is that one day I will find, outside of my heart, that inner peace, that sanity, that serenity...

So, I leave you with this handy little excerpt from "The Language of Letting Go", because today...I found it helpful and intriguing.

Enjoying Recovery
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by the sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!

Today, my Higher Power, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know I'm right where I need to be on my journey.

And, I put a hand to my heart in hopes that you are right where you are supposed to be on your journey at this very moment...

A Lesson in Opposites

2009-01-25T20:21:00.000-08:00

The Boy's daycare is heavy on the curriculum, hence the decision to send him there in the first place. This month one of the lessons has been opposites. The Boy has not taken this lesson lightly, in fact every toy in the house goes "up, down, up, down". Balls get stuck in places when they go "in, out, in, out" but the "out" part hasn't been mastered or the toy just wasn't created for that kind of nonsense, which can be VERY frustrating for a boy of two and a half.

With all of this in mind, it shouldn't have come to my surprise that the Beast and the Boy (and then me) had an opposites conversation with a life lesson attached.

The Beast came barrelling out of the bathroom wheezing with barely controlled laughter, the Boy hot on his heels. He proceeded to gaspingly explain to me that the Boy came into the bathroom and upon seeing daddy standing in the "ready" position over the toilet said, "Daddy pee-pee? Boy pee-pee too", then stood directly behind him to do his business in the training toilet. He came around to check daddy's stance, looked up at the Beast and said, "Daddy pee-pee too? Boy little pee-pee, daddy big pee-pee."

The Beast, try as he might, could not get the Boy to repeat this grand discovery. I have a hunch that he was too excited about the boy's revelation and the coming day he can have the "someday, son this will all be yours" conversation.

So, because something is wrong with me, I decided I'd give it a whirl. I asked the Boy if he had a pee-pee. He responded that he "already did". Um...yeah, I totally meant that as a noun kid, not a verb. Apparently grammar hadn't been taught yet at the daycare or by his parents. But, since I rarely give up, I tried a different tack...and asked him "Is Boy's pee-pee little?" To which I got an annoyed I-can't-believe-you-would-even-consider-it response of "NOOOO, Boy pee-pee big. Daddy's big too. Boy little, daddy big."

Clearly, he is confused by all the pee-pee questions. And the thought that someday that could all be his.

And I am left to never wonder again why we have yet to receive a "Best Parenting" Award...

Miss me?

2009-01-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

I miss you too.
I am not ignoring you, I promise.
But this blogger finally got a daytime job, that pays in something other than strictly laughter and satisfaction, which are priceless, don't get me wrong. They just don't pay the bills.
If you are wondering, I am doing well, getting adjusted and really liking the new people I work with and for. If you aren't wondering, well....um...LOVE YOU TOO!

I digress, as usual.

I will do my best to show you some bloggy love a little more next week, but for this week, please try to cut me some slack as the Beast, the Girl, the Boy and I are getting used to a new (not so improved) schedule which requires this night owl blogger to leave and come home in the dark. Boooo!

Miss me, leave me comments, gimme some luvin', check out my fellow bloggers (links on the side) and all that.

Until this weekend....xoxoxoxo

Love Thursday, a Little Late

2009-01-15T20:40:00.000-08:00

My Love Thursday post this week is again, materialistic. I refuse to feel badly about that. Heh!
I am so in love with these designs right now, I bought the Valentine's Day window clings, the picture frame and these very sturdy, very adorable place mats at Target. They are so whimsical and sweet they make me want to ~~puke~~ dance on tiptoes!
I did however, hold myself back from the towels, rugs and photo holders.
I do have some self control.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-14T15:16:00.001-08:00

Unsettling

2009-01-12T20:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am not afraid or ashamed to admit most things, especially when it comes to my likes and dislikes. Anyone who knows me knows my opinion is always readily available. Heh.

I like Hilary Duff.

I like her music.

She was adorable as Lizzie McGuire and the handful of made-for-tweens movies she has performed in (I won't insult you by calling it acting-no matter how much I like her, I still have standards).

I think she is relatively still a "good" girl...at least when you compare her to LiLo and Brit, right? Even after her stint in War, Inc. which included dropping a live scorpion down her pants (for real!), which I only glancingly witnessed when the Beast watched it - I was scrapbooking ~~in my glorious scrapbooking haven~~ on the dining room table, I still think she is adorable. I realize and can admit, as some others don't/won't, that she has to grow up eventually, and at least she is doing it in a classier way than those other tramps (whom I still love, but I digress).

So, imagine my surprise when I saw this:

Now, don't get me wrong here. I think she's beautiful, and intelligent and well...I sort of give her props for making the cover. At least she didn't fug it up.

Here's where I take issue: I discovered this little gem when I was perusing my rental options at the local Hollywood Video this evening with the Girl and I heard her excited tween voice exclaim from behind me: "Look, mom! Hilary Duff is on that magazine!" (She is about to turn eleven you know, so her love for Miss Duff needs no explanation.) However, I turned around and saw her approaching this magazine. IN ALL ITS GLORY! No black plastic bag cover, no black plexiglass flap covering the titles displayed across the page (they don't show here but they are what you'd expect), no parental advisory. Just there on the turn-about. I diverted her attention with a video and a quick "Oh, cool! Hey come look over here with me, we're almost done!" Then thanked my lucky stars she is still naive enough to have only noticed the picture.

While the photo is really not THAT bad, no nipple slippage or anything, its the fact that they didn't even try to camouflage that the magazine is available there that is unsettling. C'mon, even 7-11 has the black plexiglass flaps that cover the chance of nudity-and the mags are behind the counter at most of the stores. Not the video store...they have it right there prominently displayed between the candy shelf and the previously viewed titles for your convenience. The amount and type of questions that would have ensued had she read the titles of the articles emblazoned across the cover makes me want to shake the Hollywood Video employees until some sense comes into their heads as I break out in a cold sweat.

Now, with all of that said.

Way to go Hilary...work it girl.

Way to Fug it up, Hollywood Video.

Glad I have ninja reflex parenting skills.

Love Thursday

2009-01-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

I received this wonderful Coach key chain for my birthday this year (way back in March) from a very special friend. Don'tcha just love it?? I certainly do.
Hence, the "love Thursday" post -- clever aren't I? Heh. Work with me here.
If you look closely this is a triple love picture, don't you feel lucky?
1: my love for Coach
2: my love for small, unexpected, meaningful gifts and
3: the flower is made up of hearts.
So take that!

You can't deny Coach love, so don't try.

Happy Love Thursday friends. May you find the love today, no matter how hard you have to look.

Wordless Wednesday, Hiding Spot

2009-01-07T07:16:00.001-08:00

Shutter Sisters: Superhero Photo Challenge

2009-01-03T14:57:00.000-08:00

Shutter Sisters, an blog addiction of mine, has issued their newest Superhero Photo Challenge. I just love this challenge every time they do it. This time it is weather based.

This photo was a happy accident, which is always the best kind. Before Christmas this year, we took a little ride on the Polar Express from Williams, Arizona to the North Pole. This is a shot I took of a stationary train next to the track right before boarding. I love how mystical and nostalgic it is.

Share your winter picture with me and the rest of the Shutter Sisters at http://www.shuttersisters.com/ or here in the comments section.

P.S. Please note the "Pass it On" button on the right side of this blog, visit their site, find out what it's all about and check back here soon for your opportunity to win a special treat from me, and an opportunity to "Pass it On".

Excerpt with Wonderful Timing

2009-01-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

I have mentioned the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melanie Beattie once before on this blog. I try my best to read from it on a daily basis, as it's original intention considering its a daily meditation book. Some days the entry is applicable to my life and I am left shaking my head in wonder...other days, not so much. Today is the former, so I am going to share it with you, my bloggy friends. Take from it what you will, as with most things the wisdom is related directly to perception and your interpretation.

January 2: Healthy Limits
Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self-esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.
Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing out beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries.
Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, and not a moment before. So will others.
There's something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we're controlling others, but because we've changed.

Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow and set limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.

And with that, I leave you to ponder.

Further Proof

2009-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:00

That the Beast is DISGUSTING and INAPPROPRIATE.
Ugh.

I walk thru our bedroom on the way out of the bathroom minding my own business, he turns from his computer chair where he is intently playing with his computer club friends and says "Honey" (he sounds concerned).

Me: what's up?
Beast: You might want to sleep on the couch tonight.
Me (really concerned): Why?
Beast: laughter as he fans himself.

Apparently the yummy dinner made by my mother this evening is making a gaseous comeback. I guess he didn't think I could live without that handy bit of knowledge.

Awesome.

Love Thursday, Happy New Year

2009-01-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have discovered that I love the Oceanside, California beach on Christmas day(well, the day after this year anyway). Though I am a Washington girl at heart, and acclimating to a warm and sunny Christmas was difficult at first, I now embrace it and look forward to it. I found the largest moments of peace on the beach this Christmas.

Here are a few Love Thursday shots from that day.
Wishing you 52 Thursdays filled with Love this year.

Wordless Wednesday, Get Your Kicks

2008-12-31T16:46:00.000-08:00

Silly Little Boys

2008-12-28T20:52:00.001-08:00

While scrapbooking at my aunt's house this weekend my cousin D was running W-I-L-D.
Apparently he recognized the problem, because the following is a snippet of the conversation that got us all laughing so hard our sides ached.

D: Moooo-ooom!
His mom (annoyed): WHAT?
D (giggling the whole time): Can you give me a chill pill? or two? PLEASE?

Made you laugh.
Have a great Sunday!

A Beastly Conversation

2008-12-17T23:32:00.000-08:00

Picture this if you will: Beast cracks up laughing from the bedroom, where the computer is located. I am in the adjoining loft area on my computer where I was ~~loading music on the Girl and my phones for the nine day long trip which includes a 3 day road trip~~ doing some important computer work.

Beast: you HAVE to come see this, they thought of everything!

Me: What are you talking about (no, my annoyance isn't a figment of your imagination, this was like the third time he had interrupted me.)

Beast: TSA, they thought of everything. They have this "Ask Jenn" column where you can ask them anything and they have an instant answer for you.

*A bit of background for you: we were flying out to California the next day and he was checking online for information regarding car seat and stroller restrictions for Alaska Airlines.

Me (as I walk to the room in order to humor him): Please don't tell me you asked if you're allowed to have sex in the bathroom.

Beast (the man actually giggled): Well, uh, sort of. Look!

And here's what I see on the screen:

Guest (this would be Beast of course): Can I join the mile high club?
Jenn: Seeing as I'm virtual, I don't date.

Gotta hand it to them, they did think of everything.

Love Thursday, a Tad Early

2008-12-17T17:44:00.001-08:00

Since I'll be out of town visiting family in SoCal (don't be a hater) until the day after Christmas, I wanted to leave you with my Love Thursday post. It's long to cover both Thursdays that I will miss. You're welcome.

This Love Thursday, I am celebrating accomplishments.
I love that I am in a place in my heart and mind that I can acknowledge the good things I do and the things I like about myself, as well as reveling in the warm fuzzies that accompany completion of tasks I take on. This isn't something I've ever been able to do, for fear of sounding conceited, tooting my own horn...well, you get the picture.

I completed the "25 Days of Christmas" altered book for my parents-in-law, complete with photos and embellishments, prior to our trip. This is the first book I have done, and while daunting in it's task, I thoroughly enjoyed making this book. I showed it off to friends without a moment of awkwardness or self-criticism. This has been hard to come by for a very long time.

I am tickled and very happy that I was able to carve time out with my kids and bake dozens upon dozens of holiday cookies. This was the first season that I have felt the drive to do this, had the energy to follow through on my promise to bake and been able to have both my kids' participation. This is also the first time that I haven't felt the burning desire to "just do it myself" because it would be faster or less stressful. I truly enjoyed every second of the time I spent creating, tasting, mixing and baking (of course not in that order) with them. They obviously seemed to enjoy themselves as well. I can't help but be certain that this has brought us all a touch closer. Must be that Christmas magic.

When we went to SoCal for Christmas in 2006, I didn't want to waste the time to put up trimmings we wouldn't be around to enjoy. This decision, mixed with the 80 degree California weather (I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong) made it impossible for me to hold onto any Christmas spirit I might have been able to muster in the first place. This year, having realized this mistake, we put the Christmas tree up and it has made a world of difference. Even though it took us three days to finally get the decorations on the tree, we have enjoyed the brilliance of it every moment since. Since I'm such a perfectionist and more than a little anal retentive, I am proud to also recognize that I haven't moved a single ornament that the kids placed an inch apart, or the same color next to each other, or hanging at the very edge of the branch, etc... The surprising, and most important, fact about this accomplishment is that I haven't wanted to.

Yet with all the holiday busyness, the baking, the decorating, the project completing, the playing in the snow and all the normal day-to-day happenings, I was still able to find the time to relax, enjoy myself and just be spontaneously silly.

And for all of these accomplishments that might seem 'normal' or common to others, for me, they have been a constant struggle. I'm not afraid or embarrassed to admit these things. And for that sole reason...I am proud.

My Christmas wish for you: take time out to be silly, stay up late to enjoy those cookies without worrying that your ass will suffer the consequences and just enjoy this time with your families.

See you back here after Christmas. I hope you have the best one yet.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-17T10:04:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when we leave them with the sitter.

Greeblemonkey Photo Contest

2008-12-16T20:02:00.000-08:00

***UPDATED (AGAIN): All of this taken into consideration, you all are still famous in my eyes. You're welcome E. Feel better now? Geesh. You may be letting the fame go to your head. I'll have to keep an eye on you.
**UPDATE: I didn't make the finalists, but you should still go here: http://www.greeblemonkey.com/2008/12/december-greeblepix-contest.html and vote for one of the photos that did. Maybe next time...

Well, this will be a first - and yes, it does make me nervous.
Greeblemonkey is hosting a photo contest this month with no topic. This will be my very first entry...so keep those wicked fingers and toes crossed ladies...hopefully you are about to be famous! *Don't worry, we won't let it go to your heads. Meh!

I Always Keep My Promises, Burnham Style

2008-12-13T21:43:00.001-08:00

This afternoon, I had the greatest pleasure of finally shooting the Burnham Family's Christmas Photos. I was beginning to worry this shoot would never take place. "Why?" you ask. And you know you were asking. I'll tell you why. Mrs. Burnham, aka My Creative Director and Close, Personal Friend, is normally very camera shy, as is Mr. Burnham - so convincing them that this really was a good idea took a tad bit of work, not a lot, just a tad. Then there were the weeks of wardrobe contemplation (though I have to admit, I am anal retentive so this would have been difficult for me as well), several borderline-manic text messages, a shopping expedition (there's nothing I won't do for a great shoot, and a friend), and last minute scheduling changes due to my pending vacation.

It was all worth it:

(polaroid effect courtesy of picnik.com)

(effect courtesy of picnik.com)

(Mini-Burnham kissing Burnham Bun-in-the-Oven)

And this post would be completely incomplete if not for this next picture.

Subject Beware: it's now policy that if you LET the photographer take the picture, and especially if you redo the act to LET the photographer take the picture, you can't COMPLAIN about the picture. M...kay?